Dear Deviant Art,
    I'm sorry we've been away so long. I know you are disappointed in me. I have lost my drive for art temporarily. I sometimes hit lows and whatnot, but never like this. It's like my passion and enjoyment of creating something is a fire and some giant douchbag is urinating upon it. There are sometimes where I attempt to create though...

Last February I was given a canvas for Valentine's Day, and it has cursed me. Many times I have tried to conquer this beast of a canvas. Although, beast is a very exaggerated term. It is only 14 inches in height, But a beast nonetheless.

It always starts the same way, with an idea. I spend much time looking at pictures via tumblr, and once in a while something strikes me with and idea. I'm not sure weather to call it inspiration or not. Inspiration i think is something that should drive you, even if you think whatever you're painting looks like a cat's asshole. (of course, if your purpose is to paint a cat's asshole, this does not apply to you.) But nevertheless, it starts with an idea.

so i take my canvas, and my big pretty brush, and cover whatever was previously on it. but then, I am faced with a large, white void upon which to paint my masterpiece. its quite intimidating, as im sure some of you know. For those of you writers, its like opening up a Word Document and seeing that blank virtual piece of paper. and that little typing thing that blinks. It mocks you.

So you sit, and you stare at this large blank slate of nothingness, the void you must fill with the idea in your brain and have it make sense to the rest of the world. But, OCD is a terrible thing to have as an artist. You strive to perfect your art, and make is beautiful and seen by you. But I learned now that Art is not what you see, It's what you make others see.

but halfway through the production of a usable piece of art, my eye sees major flaws. so i shove it in the corner and forget about it until another idea hits me, and i paint over it. that is what i have been doing for about six months.

Regarding my novel that is keeping everyone on their toes, i am sorry to report that i have not written a new thing in six months. i don't have any idea about where to take the story. if any of you have any ideas, I would LOVE to hear them.

All in all I would really like to get back into the swing of things and start creating things again. I'm getting closer to that point and I will soon resume my former glory of constant creation.

-Ashley McCokle
<3